They love to sing, and I love hearing their voice

Realising that I could no longer live as a trans man was both terrifying and freeing. What next? What would people think? I had never seen anyone transition from a binary trans identity to a non-binary trans identity, so I had no point of reference. I was completely on my own, unaware of how my body or my brain would change post-testosterone.

On my first day off the hormones, I shaved just one of my legs. To me, this symbolised my confusion and made a statement about the current state of my gender identity: in flux. Rather than trying to force myself into any gendered stereotype, I allowed myself the freedom to experiment with how I looked and which pronouns I used. Some days I would sport a beard and bright red lipstick; others, I would shave and wear a beanie with a button-down shirt. I stopped asking myself what it meant to want to do certain things or look a certain way and just let myself follow my desires without analysing them. My journal entry from reads: “I’ll figure it out someday. And then I’ll be confused again someday. Maybe that’s just how the cycle goes.”

Some people use my pronouns correctly, some use them on and off, saying they find it too hard, and some flat-out refuse, which I feel is a way of invalidating my identity

I have been out as an agender, or genderless, person for about a year now. To me, this simply means having the freedom to exist as a person without being confined by the limits of the western gender binary. I wear what I want to wear, and do what I want to do, because it is absurd to limit myself to certain activities, behaviours or expressions based on gender. They see no room for the curve of my hips to coexist with my facial hair; they desperately want me to be someone they can easily categorise. Continue reading →